Donald Trump Jovita Carranza Mike Pence National Press Conference Steve Mnuchin

Press conference with Donald Trump (4/2/20)

Looking at The White House feed for today’s press conference, I can see the orange terror has once again decided to spend two and a half hours of the nation’s time on his daily ego trip. I’m sure most of the conference can be summed up by saying the following:

  • We’re still fighting the virus.
  • We’ve done the most tests in the world!!!! U-S-A! U-S-A!
  • “Our country had the best economy, the best wifi, the best testing labs, the best hotels…” You know, on a personal note, I once stayed in a hostel in Hungary with a guy from Spain who kept going on and on about how Spain had “the best food, the best dancers, the best lovers…”. I told that guy “Ok, if that’s true, I want to see you make dinner.” He looked surprised by that response, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t prove his point with some amazing seafood paella an hour later. Trump is a lot like that guy, except that Trump’s not cute, he can’t dance, he can’t cook, and basically he has very little going on to back any of his shit up.
  • “We inherited a broken system… wahhhhh… it’s Obama’s fault! Obama should have planned for a virus that didn’t exist four years ago! THERE WAS AN EMPTY SHELLLLLLF!!!!!”
  • “No one could have seen this coming, and now it’s in every country! WE HAD NO IDEA!”
  • “Here are the same figures on what we sent to New York that I’ve been using for the past four days.”
  • “I was the first person to close the borders with China!”
  • “We’ve learned so much.”

Ok, so now that those talking points are out of the way, I’m only going to write down new information going forward. I expect this to shorten the note taking process significantly.

Here we go!


  • The Paycheck Protection Program launches tomorrow. This is the small business loan program that is offering forgivable loans if you continue to pay your staff. This loan is also open to sole proprietors and independent contractors.
  • If you typically don’t file a tax return, you will not have to file one when you get your direct payment assistance from the government.
  • Your direct assistance will be sent directly to your bank account if you have a bank account on file with the IRS, if not you will receive a check.
  • He says they are “protecting social security, medicaid, and medicare”, whatever that means.


  • She thanks Ivanka Trump, and I’m sorry… but, what is Ivanka’s position in our government? What does she have to do with anything?
  • This new loan will help a lot of small businesses, and they want everyone to know about it.
  • If you continue to pay your employees, UP TO 100% of your loan can be forgiven. UP TO. So, there are conditions. You can read about this loan over at
  • Lol at Trump just dying to interrupt this woman.
  • This loan is for businesses that have 500 or less employees.
  • If you are approved for this loan, you will get the money the same day.
  • The economic relief checks for individual citizens will be here in two weeks if you have direct deposit.
  • If the IRS does not have your direct deposit information on file, they will be launching a web portal that will allow people to submit their information there.
  • The employee retention credit is up and running as well. For the first $10,000 you have spent retaining an employee, you will get a 50% refundable tax credit you can use this year. So, that would mean you will get $5,000 back.
  • The reporters are all asking questions about how this will work, since we all know how poorly the situation with unemployment claims is going. But Steve claims they are totally on track with this. *SUSPICIOUS SIDE EYE*
  • One reporter asks now that social distancing has been extended, why are they not working on another relief bill to cover all the extra weeks? She asks “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?”
  • Steve says that the bills we currently have should be good for ten weeks. *SUSPICIOUS SIDE EYE*
  • I have to say, it’s pretty damn amusing watching how upset it makes Trump to let other people talk. I mean, look at this face! LOL
“When can we start talking about my ratings again?” – Donald, probably
  • Someone asks how it would make sense for a small business like a restaurant to rehire their employees when no one can come in to eat. Steve says the loan is 100% forgivable and would allow a business to remain operational for weeks even with no business. But, I have a much better question that wasn’t asked. How would this benefit the employees at a restaurant? If they are rehired, as they would have to be in order for the business to collect that loan, then servers will be collecting a very small paycheck. I think in New York servers are now paid, what? $10 an hour? I know most states do have laws on the books that say servers must be brought up to the state minimum wage if they don’t make enough in tips to equal that, but still… every server I know makes more from tips than minimum wage and most of them would be better off taking unemployment instead of accepting this deal. But, here comes the catch… you can only collect unemployment if you’ve been laid off. Technically, these servers would be disqualified. So, the whole thing would be a pretty shitty deal for them.
  • The SBA loan for independent contractors, charities and sole properties will be up next week.


Real time footage of how thirsty Donald was to return to the mic
  • From now on, no one is allowed into nursing homes except for staff.
  • They are also asking that nursing homes use the same staff for the same groups of seniors everyday to minimize the opportunities for the virus to spread.
  • They are also working on extending services for veterans.
  • Interestingly, Donny boy says that they have just used the Defense Production Act to force 3M to make masks. But, weren’t they one of our featured sponsors as recently as… *checks notes* last week? Hmmm… another example of Donald praising a company on live TV only to be forced to admit they weren’t as cooperative as he had made it seem previously. So, 3M now joins GM under Trump’s bus.
  • At least he has finally started saying “COVID” like Cuomo rather than the ridiculously racist phrase “CHINESE VIRUS” that he was using before.
  • He plugs New York’s website for donations and volunteers, which is also interesting because… didn’t this man say he had a national stockpile of supplies he could easily distribute to states in need as recently as… *checks notes* three days ago? Does this mean it’s all gone already?
  • QUOTE: “I want to remind everyone here in our nation’s capital, especially in congress, that this is not the time for politics. Endless partisan investigations… HERE WE GO AGAIN! They’ve already done extraordinary damage to our country” (although hilariously it sounds like “I’ve already done extraordinary damage to our country”, WHICH IS ACCURATE!) “in recent years. You see what happens? It’s uh… a witch hunt, after witch hunt, after witch hunt… and in the end the people doing the witch hunt have been losing, and they’ve been losing by a lot. And.. uh… it’s not anytime for witch hunts, it’s time to uh… get this enemy defeated! Conducting these partisan investigations in the middle of a pandemic is a really big waste of vital resources, time, attention… and we wanna fight for American Lives. Not waste time. And build up my poll numbers, cause that’s all they’re doing, cause everyone knows it’s ridiculous. So, we wanna focus on the people of this country, even the people of the world, we’re gonna be able to help them because right now, as an example, we’re building so many ventilators. Very, very hard to build, but we’re building thousands. Thousands of them. And a lot of them will be coming at a time when we won’t need them as badly… uh, because it takes time. Very complex, very expensive. And we’ll be able to help outside of our country. We think we’ll be able to help.”
  • TRANSLATION: “We will have these ventilators after 16,000 people die in New York, and then we’ll sell them to other countries at a profit. Fuck Nancy Pelosi, and God Bless America.”
  • Another interesting thing to note; one of my very good friends is Brazilian. She said that Brazil is having a hard time getting any medical equipment because the US bought it all. So, for now, we are doing the opposite of what Trump is saying here. We are actively hurting other countries that need supplies. Just like New York can’t buy our own ventilators anymore, neither can Brazil. All of our lives are now in the hands of the United States Federal Government… and if that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will.

At that point, Trump says he needs to step out for a meeting and hands the reins over to Mike Pence. Mike almost never says anything worth listening to, so I decided to shut this thing off at that point. I definitely think these posts will be worth a second look in a week when New York is predicted to run out of ventilators. But, for now, please just compare and contrast the quote I just transcribed there to any of Cuomo’s recent quotes about partisan politics. Here, I’ll leave you with this example:

ANDREW CUOMO: “No politics. No partisanship. No division. There is no time for that. Not in this state, not in this nation. This is a deadly serious situation, and frankly it’s more important than politics, and it’s more important than partisanship. And if there is division at this time, the virus will defeat us. If there was ever a moment for unity, this my friends is the moment.”… “In this situation, there are no red states and there are no blue states, and there are no red casualties and there are no blue casualties. It’s red, white and blue. This virus doesn’t discriminate. It attacks everyone, and it attacks everywhere.”… “The president said this is a war, and I agree with that. This is a war. Then, let’s act that way. And let’s act that way now! And let’s show a commonality, and a mutuality, and a UNITY that this country hasn’t seen in decades. Because the lord knows we need it, today more than ever before.”

Do you notice how he managed to say all that without calling anyone else a loser? That’s the difference between a compassionate leader, and Donald Trump.


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Donald Trump Dr. Deborah Birx Dr. Tony Fauci Mike Pence National Press Conference Steve Mnuchin

Press conference with Donald Trump (3/25/20)

Another day, another episode of the Trump show! Today’s participants are Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Dr. Birx, Dr. Fauci, and Steve Mnuchin.

Once again, I have broken this up into sections by speaker.


  • America continues to gain ground in the war against the virus. Thank you, America.
  • “Social distancing. Important phrase. And we’re doing it right now.” Trump says with a vague attempt at gravitas.
  • Trump is now saying that “certain sections” of the country will hopefully be able to go back to work soon.
  • He has now approved major disaster declarations for New York, California, Washington, Iowa, Louisiana, Texas, and Florida, which has a “large legal significance”.
  • They are in constant communication with the leaders of all of these states.
  • He spoke to Governor Cuomo last night and this morning, and thinks he’s doing a great job. He says that Cuomo thinks, “because he understands negotiation”, that we have been using the defense production act “very appropriately”.
  • Trump says the defense production act is “a great negotiating tool”, however he has not had to use it “much” because all of these companies have done a “TREMENDOUS” job of rising to the plate on their own. Note how this language has subtly shifted from yesterday’s statement that he has not needed to use it all. This statement was followed by our daily sponsored words about 3M.
  • He says they are building up medical gear now and have been giving it away as fast as they can.
  • At 4 minutes in, we get our daily reminder that the Javits Center is the only field hospital location he can ever seem to remember.
  • He says he is doing everything in his power to help New York.
  • They are doing lots of testing on new drugs.
  • The US is doing the most testing in the world.
  • He congratulates the president of Japan for delaying the Olympics for a year. He says quote “I think it’s gonna be a fantastic Olympics. 2021. I think it’s gonna be a fantastic Olympics. I think it was the absolute right decision to delay it for a full year and now have a full beautiful Olympics. It’s gonna be very important because it’s probably the first time maybe ever or certainly in a long time that it was on an, uh, odd year. Always on an even year, they tell me.” with the all the authoritative air of a sophomore dude at a frat party rambling off some quick facts to try to impress a girl.
  • He says he will be at the games when they happen.
  • “As we fight to protect American lives, we’re also protecting American livelihoods.” The senate is very close to passing an emergency relief bill, this is in addition to the two other bills he signed earlier this month. He says they have “all sorts of things in there for the workers, for the families, a tremendous paid sick leave provision for workers at no cost at all to the employers. And that’s a big thing, no cost to the employers.”
  • He says that he believes that this is the biggest bill ever passed. TREMENDOUS.
  • “Families, families, families”
  • The senate bill includes 350 billion dollars in job retention loans for small businesses, with loan forgiveness available for businesses that continue paying their workers. We want people to keep their workers, and pay their workers, which will allow us to quickly accelerate our economy back to normal when we DEFEAT THE VIRUS.
  • There will be 300 billion dollars in direct cash payments available to all american citizens earning less than $99,000 a year. He says that would be $3,400 for the typical family of four.
  • Up to 250 billion dollars in expanded unemployment benefits. This will include self employed people and independent contractors. YASSS! THAT’S ME!
  • Over 100 billion dollars to support the heroic work of our doctors and hospitals.
  • 45 billion dollars for the disaster relief fund, more than doubling the amount to support the current emergency funds.
  • 27 billion to build up our national stockpile of medical gear.
  • He claims he has built up a whole new military while president. Can I get a fact check on this`?
  • The bill will include “significant” funding for new vaccines.
  • Over 500 billion dollars in support for the hardest hit industries, with a ban on stock buybacks, which he is now claiming was his idea. Quote “boy, I tell you the republicans wanted that and the democrats wanted that.” he adds.
  • He says our country will open up “LIKE A ROCKET SHIP”.
  • He says there will be limits on executive compensation going forward, because we are interested in “THE WORKERS”.
  • 16 billion for the purchase of PPE.
  • He encourages the house to push this through to sign. He says it’ll be a great signing. Dare I say it? A tremendous signing.
  • Spoke to the leaders of nonprofits today. They’re fantastic. Great people.
  • SUPPLIES – through FEMA, they are shipping 9.4 million N95 respirators, 20 million surgical masks, 3.1 million face shields, 2.6 million surgical gowns, 14.6 million gloves, and almost 6,000 ventilators.
  • Says there are 150 countries… maaaaybe more than 150… with the virus. He says no one would ever believe that. Never saw it coming. Never opened a history book. But we’ve been incredible. He says some of the press have said he’s amazing, and that he thinks that is “accurate”.
  • Says Cuomo and Deblasio are “happy” and that “it would be hard not to be happy with the job we’re doing”. Ok.
  • H says the people behind him have been amazing, but on the NPR live stream the only person I can see behind him is Pence. Lol
  • He says his team have become his friends, even though “maybe they don’t like me. Another lol for you, sir.
  • Human interest stories rattled off in a monotone voice. TREMENDOUS.
  • Steve Mnuchin has been working hard in “that beautiful building. He sort of lived over in that beautiful building. To me, it’s a very beautiful building. One of the most beautiful buildings in the world. To me, he’s gotten to know it very well.”


  • Thanks Mitch and Chuck for the bipartisan support for this relief bill.
  • Recaps what Trump just said about the bill.
  • Expects to have a way to get the small business loans out next week.
  • Direct payments to citizens coming in the next 3 weeks, either through direct deposit or through the mail. I’m assuming you will get this however you got your last tax refund.
  • Quick break to kiss Trump’s ass.


  • QUESTION: How long do you think this bill will keep the economy afloat?
  • TRUMP: Hopefully a long time. If we have to go back, we have to go back.
  • MNUCHIN: Says he expects this to carry us for three months.
  • QUESTION: Yesterday you said we should never be reliant on a foreign country for the means of our own survival. What did you mean by that?
  • TRUMP: “Well, we’re reliant on many countries where we give up our supply chains, our manufacturing, our production facilities… but it really costs us more in the long run, because we lose jobs and we lose our independence. So, we’ll be making some changes in the future.” On a personal note, I can’t believe this bizzare future we’re living in right now because I actually agree with him!
  • QUESTION: Are you going to sign an executive order to ban the exportation of medical equipment?
  • TRUMP: He says he does not think we’ll need to do that. He starts this answer off reasonably well, and then goes totally off the rails and says that other countries have been playing us “FOR YEARS! And no president has ever done anything about it.” He then goes on to say that we make “the best medical equipment in the world, but we can’t sell it to Europe. But, we’re changing. All of this is changing.” and he really sounds like a YouTube conspiracy theory video right now. Oh god, he’s bringing up NATO. Claims we were paying for everybody, and that because of him, everyone is paying us. This question has gone in a weird direction.
  • QUESTION: Four republican senators have indicated that they believe the extra unemployment insurance may encourage workers to leave their jobs, even though you can only collect unemployment if you’re fired. I’m curious what you think of that?
  • TRUMP: “I know the issue very well. Um, Steve?”
  • MNUCHIN: We did this to ensure the money could flow out quickly, and we do not believe it will encourage people to quit their jobs. No comment on those senators.
  • TRUMP: “The one good thing about this is that people will get more money” Trump says, just to feel useful.
  • QUESTION: The family of retired FBI agent Robert Levinson have concluded that he died in Iranian custody, are you aware of that?
  • TRUMP: “I’m very much involved in that. Great gentleman. Great family. I hate to say it, but it’s not looking good. He wasn’t well anyway. I mean, and it’s not looking promising.” But, Trump says that he does not accept that he’s dead.
  • QUESTION: You tweeted earlier, linking the closing of the country to your election success. Is this easter timeline based on your political interest?
  • TRUMP: WhAt Do U mEaN By ThAt?
  • QUESTION: Lawmakers on both side of the aisle say Easter is not a good idea. What do you say to that?
  • TRUMP: “I know the media would love to tear me down. Just so you understand, are you ready? I think there are certain people who would like it not to open so quickly. I think there are certain people who would like it to do financially poorly, because they think that would be very good for defeating me at the polls. I don’t know if that’s so, but I think it’s very clear that there are people in your profession who write fake news. You do. She does” and goes on. “For whatever reason… and we’ve done one hell of a job. Nobody’s done the job we’ve done. And it’s lucky you have this group here for this problem, or else you wouldn’t even have a country left.” WOW. Just wow.
  • QUESTION: Once the bill is signed how rapidly do you expect to see the funds?
  • TRUMP: Who are you with?
  • QUESTION: CBN, and my second question, we are hearing direct payments will be out by April 6th. Is this true?
  • MNUCHIN: 3 weeks.
  • QUESTION: You’re meeting with world leaders tomorrow, will you try to introduce a worldwide ban on wild animal markets in order to prevent a similar pandemic?
  • TRUMP: I don’t know. This came out of China.
  • QUESTION: Do you want to do more testing? How many deaths are acceptable?
  • TRUMP: We’ve tested more than anybody. We have the best tests. No deaths are acceptable.
  • QUESTION: How can you prevent people from heavily infected states from going to less infected states?
  • TRUMP: I inherited a broken system. We’ve done a lot of tests.
  • QUESTION: Will you consider taking global measures to prevent an apocalyptic pandemic?
  • TRUMP: I’m very strong on borders. I built a big, beautiful wall. Before me, this country had no borders. The people you’re talking about aren’t coming here.
  • QUESTION: Why did all the bills include 25 million for the kennedy arts center here in DC?
  • TRUMP: The kennedy center is suffering greatly. I love the kennedy center, although I can never go there because I’m so busy running the country. The democrats wanted that. You guys, did you know they are closed?
  • QUESTION: Senator Rubio today said that the WHO had showed favoritism to China. Do you agree?
  • TRUMP: A lot of people feel it’s been unfair. I don’t know.
  • DR. FAUCI: I think the WHO is doing a good job. I can’t commit on the politics of that.
  • TRUMP: We’re the ones who had the great response, because I KEPT CHINA OUT.
  • QUESTION: When you have this meeting tomorrow, what kind of response are you expecting?
  • TRUMP: It’ll be a great call.
  • QUESTION: What happens at the end of this 15 day period?
  • TRUMP: I’ll consult with the doctors. Maybe we will reopen in sections. By Easter, we’ll have a recommendation.


  • *waves the one sheet*
  • This is day 10 of 15.
  • Keep washing your hands and social distance.
  • Recaps everything Trump already said.
  • He had a call with Betsy Devos. They made a website for teaching recommendations. She will be joining us on Friday for questions.
  • Secretary Perdue will also be there to talk about school lunches.
  • FEMA is sending more resources to New York soon.
  • FEMA is already in California.
  • The CDC is publishing guidelines tomorrow for how to best use our parks.
  • *quick flash of the one sheet*
  • Continue to practice good principals.
  • People ask me, what can I do? *raises the one sheet*
  • God bless America.
  • Heal our land.


  • We are watching the testing results. Our system to look at flu like illnesses is still up and running, and that is important because we still need to be watching in places that have low numbers of cases.
  • There are four counties with 56% of all cases in the country, and they are all in New York.
  • We are close to getting through our testing backlog.
  • The numbers are stabilizing in New York, and this is good.
  • *borrows the one sheet from Pence, waves it*
  • Yesterday, we asked people from New York to self isolate. Today she clarifies that this is not a mandate, but a precaution.
  • Dr. Birx’s grandmother brought the spanish flu home to her pregnant mother, and her mother died from it. She asks us all not to be that child.


  • He apologizes for being curt about the political question earlier.
  • China is warning us that most of their cases are now coming from outside the country, so we will want to consider what travel we allow when we get to the end of the curve.
  • He believes this may become cyclical flu, which really underscores the need to develop a vaccine.


  • QUESTION: How many ventilators do we have in the national stockpile?
  • PENCE: This has been a major focus for FEMA. We have less than 20,000 in stockpiles. But there are more than 100,000 in the hospital system, and we are working on producing or converting more.
  • QUESTIONS: What do you think about people sewing masks?
  • DR. FAUCI: We would only recommend that if you’re in a very desperate situation, but we don’t need to do that yet.
  • QUESTIONS: Kentucky said they were told to buy their own ventilators, but the federal government has bought them all. What do you say to that?
  • PENCE: We spoke to FEMA and the governors about that. We’re going to make sure everyone gets what they need. He spoke about Michigan, even though the question was about Kentucky, and said he is working with her to get what she needs.
  • QUESTION: when do you think all hospitals will have masks again?
  • PENCE: We’ll have a detailed report by the end of the week.
  • PENCE: *waves the one sheet*


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!