Donald Trump Mike Pence National Press Conference

Press conference with Donald Trump (3/26/20)

Today’s participants in the White House press conference are Dr. Brix, Dr. Fauci, Trump, Pence and, of course, the one sheet.


  • He begins by commenting on all the empty seats, and says he’s “never seen it like that. How the world has changed!” with a look that says he’s internally waffling between sheer unbridled glee at the thought of keeping the press out of the room, and mild concern for his poll numbers, he adds “But, it’s gonna end up being better than ever.”
  • At 7:55 this morning, he spoke to the leaders of the G20. Of the meeting, he says; “Great meeting. Lot of great ideas.”.
  • He says 151 nations now have the virus.
  • He spends several minutes naming all the leaders of the G20, and I take this time to open up a box of strawberry Pocky. Have y’all ever had strawberry pocky? It’s amazing.
  • He then says “We’re handling it in different ways, but there is great uniformity”. To which I audibly responded “girl, what?” to my TV.
  • Here’s where things really start taking a turn though. Seemingly out of nowhere, he says “Somebody in the fake news said ‘oh we need Tom Brady’ I said ‘yeah’” excuse me, but again I just have to ask GIRL, WHAT?
  • He goes on to say that someone said Tom Brady should be leading the country and that this notion is “fake news”. WHAT IS THIS MAN EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!?
  • QUOTE: “Spoke to Tom Brady the other day. Great guy.” *throws Pocky box at screen*
  • QUOTE: “I wish the news could be real. I wish it could be honest. I wish it weren’t corrupt.” (I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish a girl who looked good, I would call her) CONT. OF QUOTE: “But so much of it is, it’s sad to say”
  • QUOTE: “I’m sure you have tapes of the meeting. I’m sure you were able to get tapes. You could easily see it. 50 governors plus, and if you had tapes you’d see… I mean it was really just… no contention. I would say virtually none. I would say maybe one person who was a liiiiiiittle tiny bit of a raising of the voice. He was a little wiseguy. A little bit. But, he’s usually a big wiseguy. Now, not so much anymore. We saw to it that he wouldn’t be so much anymore.” Now, y’all now this orange turd is speaking about MY BELOVED GOVERNOR, Andrew Cuomo. I can’t even express how much this infuriates me. If you’ve been paying close attention to Trump’s words during the past week, he no longer says he’s from New York. He says “he lived there”. This is because he knows New York City HATES HIM, and that he is not welcome to come back. Just as I feel have earned my right to call myself a New Yorker through 16 years of being a part of this city, Trump has lost his right by completely abandoning his roots and his humanity. I am proud to say I am a New Yorker. New Yorkers are among the toughest, hardest working people in the world. Trump is mad because he isn’t fit to hold our sweat.
  • He had a meeting with the state governors today at about 12 o’clock.
  • He gives thanks to everyone for passing the relief bill.
  • Rand Paul has COVID-19. I just thought I’d remind everyone.
  • Of the relief bill, he says “Keep the workers on the payroll. That’s pretty good.”
  • He spends some time talking about a possible next relief bill, and says “We might have one grandstander” who will hold it up. Does anyone want to take bets on who he’s talking about? Nancy Pelosi? Bernie Sanders? Either of our senators from New York? Place your bets in the comments!
  • He repeats yesterday’s numbers about what the bill provides.
  • He says the bill includes 1 million dollars to help with procurement for the defense production act that we are using “only when needed”. Funny how this language keeps changing on this subject.
  • He also repeats the same FEMA numbers from yesterday.
  • He continues to insist he “inherited a broken system”. He says it’s the state’s responsibility to supply their people, but then takes credit for sending supplies to the states.
  • The USS Comfort will be leaving for New York City on Saturday. The ship will arrive on Monday. Trump says he’s going to “kiss it goodbye”, and that he will wave in front of it “for the media”.
  • The ship is currently at the Norfolk Navy Base.
  • They are continuing the search for therapies and vaccines for the virus. There are lots of tests going on.
  • He repeats the same figure about doing more testing in 8 days than in 8 weeks AGAIN. FOR THE THIRD DAY IN A ROW.
  • He says we have to go back to work, because “this is America.” We’ll do it with social distancing or something. He thinks this will end “quickly”.


  • QUESTION: Unemployment? What’s your perspective?
  • TRUMP: He says it’s to be expected. He then praises himself for closing the borders to China yet again.
  • QUESTION: Why are we deploying troops along the Canadian border?
  • TRUMP: He says we have a strong border with Mexico and he continues “I guess it’s equal justice to a certain extent. But, I guess I’ll have to look into that.” Apparently he believes that there is “illegal steel” coming from Canada. Can I get a fact check on this?
  • QUESTION: The USA has now surpassed China in terms of cases. We now have the most in the world. What do you think about this?
  • TRUMP: He says it’s a tribute to the testing. He also insinuates that China is lying about their numbers.
  • QUESTION: How will you make sure people can continue to afford health insurance?
  • TRUMP: “we’re doing a lot of different things. We’re sending them very big checks.”
  • QUESTION: 3% of all restaurants have shuttered for good already because of this crisis. The projections indicate that it could end up being 11%. What do you say to restaurant owners right now?
  • TRUMP: “I know the business very well.” He says they’ll all come back “in one form or another” eventually.
  • QUESTION: Are you looking at using the defense production act more?
  • TRUMP: He says he has used it a couple times already. But, great companies like Ford, GM, 3M and all of our other daily sponsors are doing great. He blames the “broken system” yet again.
  • QUESTION: Cruise liners. Should they move back to the US in order to get relief?
  • TRUMP: I like the concept of them registering in the US. Cruise line business is very important. Big business. Great business. Employs a tremendous amount of people.
  • QUESTION: Airline bailouts, are these appropriate?
  • TRUMP: *rambles for a few minutes* But all that being said, we have to keep the airlines going. It’s vital to our country.
  • QUESTION: On Monday, did you speak to the president of China before you told America not to harass Asian people? Did he influence you to back off of some of your earlier language about the virus?
  • TRUMP: No. And then he goes on to blame the Chinese for the virus again, and says that they have taken advantage of us. He slips in a totally random insult about “Sleepy Joe Biden”, and then doubles down on calling it “the chinese virus”.
  • QUESTION: You said yesterday that you may have new guidelines for certain states to open up earlier than others, do you have that?
  • TRUMP: No.
  • QUESTION: The market is up, do you think the economic uncertainty has passed?
  • TRUMP: No, but we’re on the way. *Praises himself some more*
  • QUESTION: Venezuela is going to get really hard by the virus, is this a concern?
  • TRUMP: Basically no.
  • QUESTION: Can you tell us which two times the defense production act was used?
  • TRUMP: I’ll get back to you on that.
  • QUESTION: Do you think current guidelines will be extended into next week?
  • TRUMP: I think we’ll keep following the guidelines for awhile, even when we are “open”.
  • QUESTION: You just tweeted that it’s very important that we protect asian americans? What are you doing to protect them?
  • TRUMP: “Yes, that was a very important tweet to me.” “Well, I don’t know. All I know is this, Asian Americans in our country are doing fantastically well. I’m very close to them, as you know, and they’re doing fantastically well, and I think they appreciate the job we’re doing. But, I did want to put that statement out, that social media statement, because to me Asian Americans are a great part of our country.” LOL, FACT CHECK???


  • The task force had another meeting today.
  • VIDEO CUTS OFF (!!!!)

I know Dr. Brix and Dr. Fauci also spoke, but unfortunately my livestream cut off at that point. But, I think it’s safe to assume that Pence waved the one sheet again, and ended with “heal our land” as per usual.


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