Andrew Cuomo New York City New York State

Press conference with New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo (4/9/20)

After seeing the death rate effectively level off for three days here in New York, I thought we might have reached our peak at around 600 deaths a day. Unfortunately, yesterday the death toll shot up past 700 and my hopes for that were dashed. To be perfectly honest, seeing that yesterday was so depressing to me that I decided to take a break from blogging for the day. But, today I am here to check back in with Cuomo for updates. This is what he said at today’s press conference.


  • He says that the “NY Pause” program is working, and that it has flattened the curve SO FAR.
  • This curve is a reflection of how well we social distance, so it is very important that we continue what we’re doing.
  • The number of people who are being hospitalized is coming down, and our hospital capacity has increased.
  • If the hospitalization rate keeps decreasing, the system will stabilize.
  • He again cautions that this all hinges on us continuing to do what we’ve been doing. This is not a sign that we can begin socializing again. He tells us to remember what happened in Italy, and to remain diligent and disciplined.
  • QUOTE: “The bad news isn’t just bad. The bad news is actually terrible.”
  • 779 people died yesterday in the state of New York. That is the highest single-day death toll yet.
  • QUOTE: “The number of deaths may continue to rise as those hospitalized for the longest periods pass.”
  • The longer you are on a ventilator, the less likely it is that you will ever come off of a ventilator.
  • Every number is a face. Every number is a family.
  • On 9/11 we lost 2,753 lives. COVID-19 has cost us 6,268 lives in New York State and counting.
  • PERSONAL NOTE: I moved here two and a half years after 9/11, so I would never presume to speak on behalf of other New Yorkers about that day. I know some New Yorkers feel that there is not a fair comparison between 9/11 and what’s happening now, and I think that’s fair if that is someone’s point of view. There is a world of difference between watching human bodies fall from a doomed building and just sitting at home while thousands of people get sick. I don’t think these two events compare in terms of PTSD. However, I think comparing these two numbers gives people outside of New York some perspective on just how overwhelming this problem is here. I personally know many people that were affected by 9/11, but the number of people I know who are affected by this virus will end up being infinitely larger. Just as air travel was forever changed that day, the way we interact with one another will change because of this. And just as no one can know the trauma of being present when the twin towers fell unless they were there, I’m not sure that people outside of New York (or other hard hit places like Italy) can fully understand what these past few weeks have been like for us. To wake up to a new person dealing with the loss of a loved one, oftentimes alone and unable to mourn, every single day for weeks… if the 9/11 comparison helps you to think about what that feels like, then I think it’s apt.
  • All flags in the state will be flown at half-mast in honor of everyone we have lost to this virus. May we all recover soon. ❤
  • He speaks about the disparities in death rates among different races. It’s interesting to note the disparities between the boroughs in NYC as well. People in my borough, The Bronx, are twice as likely to die from COVID-19 as any other borough. We’re the poorest borough with the least access to healthcare, and it’s actually killing us.
  • QUOTE: “You know it always seems the poorest people pay the highest price. Why is that? Why is that? Whatever the situation is, natural disaster, hurricane Katrina… the people standing on those rooftops were not rich, white people. Why? Why is it that the poorest people always pay the highest price? But, let’s figure it out. Let’s do the work. Let’s do the research. Let’s learn from this moment, and let’s learn these lessons, and let’s do it now. We’re gonna do more testing in minority communities, but not just testing for the virus. Let’s actually get research and data that can inform us as to why are we having more people in minority communities, more people in certain neighborhoods, why do they have higher rates of infection? I get the comorbidity. I get the underlying illness issue. But, what else is at play? Are more public workers latino and african-american, who don’t have a choice frankly, but to go out there everyday and drive the bus and drive the train, and show up for work, and wind up subjecting themselves to, in this case, the virus? Whereas many other people who have the option just absented themselves. They live in more dense communities, more urban environments, but what is it? And let’s learn from that, and let’s do it now.”
  • Additional testing and outreach in minority neighborhoods will begin immediately.
  • PERSONAL NOTE: I think he forgot to mention another key group from minority communities who put themselves at risk every day; medical professionals. As I’ve mentioned many times on this blog, I have been a patient in the New York City public hospital system for many years, and I would say the majority of the hospital staff at Bellevue are minorities. I think it’s important to add that, so the characterization of minorities in New York isn’t limited to “bus driver and train conductor”. So many people of color are out there fighting this virus on the frontlines. When I nearly died of a virus a few years ago, my nurses at Bellevue were nearly all West Indian. When I had a 104.5 degree fever, I remember the calming voices that brought me back down from my hallucinations pretty much all had caribbean accents. Those nurses are SAINTS, and they are risking their lives for us everyday! Never forget that!
  • New York State will be depositing an additional $600 to anyone who filed for unemployment. He expects the federal government to reimburse the state for this cost. This would be fantastic news for me if I was ever able to get through to anyone on the phone to get my claim in, but… lol.
  • Unemployment benefits are also being extended for an additional 13 weeks. This means you can now collect unemployment for a total of 39 weeks.
  • By executive order, all New Yorkers can now vote absentee in the June 23rd election so no one will have to risk their health to go to the polls. ❤
  • Thank you to Mercury Medical, who donated 2,400 brand new bipap machines to the state of New York. We also thank our hometown airline, JetBlue, for flying them here from Florida for free.
  • We also thank Oregon, Washington State (NOT YOU, DC! lol), and California for sending us ventilators as well.
  • The state is also starting a social media campaign to talk about who we are staying home for. Who are you staying home for? Personally, I am staying home for all of us. The hashtags to use for the campaign are #NewYorkTough and #IStayHomeFor.
Ok, Andy… looking kinda fine over there on the right! Just sayin!
  • Happy passover to our Jewish community!
The video ended on this shot, and yeah… I feel the same. It’s going to be a long month.


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Andrew Cuomo New York City New York State

Press conference with New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo (4/6/20)


  • 130,689 people have tested positive for COVID-19 in New York State so far. 8,658 of those positives were discovered yesterday.
  • 72,181 people have tested positive for COVID-19 in New York City so far. 4,630 of those positives were discovered yesterday.
  • 16,837 people are currently hospitalized in New York State. That number is up 358 people from yesterday.
  • There are currently 4,504 patients in the ICU in the state of New York. That number is up 128 from yesterday.
  • 13,366 patients have been discharged so far. 1,179 of those patients were discharged yesterday. ❤
  • 4,758 people have died from COVID-19 in the state of New York so far.
  • 599 people died from COVID-19 in the state of New York yesterday.
  • Our death rate has been effectively flat for two days. That is good news, because it means there is a possibility that we are starting to see our curve flatten.
  • We remain the most impacted state. We are followed by New Jersey (37,505 cases/917 deaths), Michigan (15,635 cases/616 deaths), California (15,076 cases/349 deaths), and Louisiana (13,010 cases/477 deaths).
  • Our hospital numbers are all continuing to trend downwards, which is great.
  • We still do not know exactly what being at the apex of this curve means. Whether it will be a quick drop off in the numbers, or a plateau that stays stable for a while before curving down remains to be seen.
  • Dr. Malatras shares several projection models with us today. The orange line shows the original estimates, the blue line shows a moderate estimate, and the purple line shows where they think we might actually end up thanks to social distancing. As you can see, we have made a huge improvement!
Good job, most of you!
  • Cuomo says if we are plateauing now, we are still plateauing at a very high level. He says sustaining hospitals at this level is still very problematic.
  • They are continuing their “surge and flex” program as they move 802 ventilators to overly stressed hospitals.
  • They are continuing to find ways to relieve pressure on hospitals through the use of things like the Javits Center.
  • They are also requesting that the USNS Comfort take COVID patients now too. Cuomo will be calling Trump to ask for this later on today.
  • Northwell health will be helping to bring Javits up to speed, and the location will then be staffed with military personnel.
  • The New York Pause program (our shut down) will be extended until April 29th.
  • The numbers coming down mean that social distancing is working, and we have to continue it. Let’s not make the same mistakes that other cities have and open up too early.
  • Y’all, Uncle Andrew called us all the way out here in New York City with these photos! This isn’t over yet! STAY INSIDE AND STOP GATHERING! Don’t let your irresponsibility be the reason someone else gets sick. Also, SHOTS FIRED at NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio! Lol, because we all know when he says “certain local governments” are not enforcing things as much as they should, he means De Blasio.
I can literally hear my neighbors having a little party outside RIGHT NOW.
  • As of today, the maximum fine for violations of state social distancing protocols will increase from $500 to $1,000. He ain’t playing with us anymore, y’all! Bring your ass back in the apartment and stay there!
  • The state is also setting up a first responders fund, to help essential workers with any needs they may have during this time. The New York State Department Of Health is accepting donations for this right now. Blackstone is making an anchor contribution of $10 million to kick things off.
  • New York State is also partnering with headspace to provide free mindfulness, meditation, and mental health resources to all New Yorkers. Visit for more info.
  • If you would prefer to call the mental health hotline to set up an appointment over skype with a mental health professional, the number for the emotional support hotline is 1-844-863-9314.
  • He says our challenge is to make sure we don’t lose anyone that could have been saved, and I just want to say…. DO YOU HEAR THAT OVER ON THE BLOCK BEHIND ME? CAUSE DON’T THINK I DON’T SEE Y’ALL BUNCHING UP OVER THERE! AND WHO DECIDED MR. SOFTEE WAS AN ESSENTIAL BUSINESS??? Get it together, NYC! We just have to behave through the end of this month. We can do it!


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Andrew Cuomo New York City New York State

Press conference with New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo (4/5/20)

Is it possible New York has reached our peak? We got some good news today at Governor Andrew Cuomo’s press conference today in Albany!


  • 302,280 people have been tested for COVID-19 in New York State so far. 18,659 of those tests were done yesterday.
  • 132,466 people have been tested for COVID-19 in New York City so far. 7,814 of those tests were done yesterday.
  • 122,031 people have tested positive for COVID-19 in New York State so far. 8,327 of those positives were discovered yesterday.
  • 67,551 people have tested positive for COVID-19 in New York City so far. 4,245 of those positives were discovered yesterday.
  • 16,479 people are currently hospitalized in New York State. That number is up 574 people from yesterday.
  • There are currently 4,376 patients in the ICU in the state of New York. That number is up 250 people from yesterday.
  • 12,187 patients have been discharged so far. 1,709 of those patients were discharged yesterday. ❤
  • 4,159 people have died from COVID-19 in the state of New York so far.
  • 594 people died from COVID-19 in the state of New York yesterday.
  • However, the number of people who died yesterday was lower than the day before! Yasss! ❤
  • However, it is too early to tell if this is a downward trend or a single day’s fluctuation.
  • But, all of the important numbers went down yesterday, which is a hopeful sign!
  • Long Island is quickly shifting to become the next hotspot after New York City.
  • Experts disagree on whether the apex is a high point after which we will immediately drop off, or simply a plateau that will last for a while at a constant rate before coming down. Since New York is the first place to reach an apex in the US, we will be learning this as we go.
  • It is important that we continue to protect our vulnerable populations in every way we can.
  • However, he reminds us that 80% of people who get COVID-19 will self resolve, and many people who go to the hospital will make it out again.
  • 74% of those who have been hospitalized have been discharged.
  • He says our hospital system is over capacity, which is putting a tremendous amount of stress on our healthcare system in general.
  • QUOTE: “But, life is options. And we don’t have any other options.”
  • He speaks again about surging and flexing our resources, and having all of our hospitals work as one. It’s pretty much the same thing he’s been saying for days.
  • Javits is apparently still not up and running as a COVID-19 facility, which surprises me since they were supposed to be ready for patients almost a week ago. I know it was not meant as a COVID facility at first, but I’m surprised that it’s taking so long to transition this.
  • He says what we all know, and that is that the federal stockpile is an absolute joke and states should work together to coordinate our infection curves and shift our resources as the curves move. Thank you again to Oregon for understanding this!
  • The federal government is deploying 1,000 personnel to New York, including doctors, nurses, and respiratory techs.
  • The New York City public hospitals are getting priority deployment. They will receive 325 new people to help on the frontlines today.
  • We are deeply appreciative of all of our medical professionals and essential workers who have kept us going throughout this crisis.
  • He talks about Cabin Fever, and… LOL AT THAT BACKGROUND! That child who is about to dive bomb mom has me cracking up!!!
  • I am fortunate not to be locked in with anyone who is driving me nuts. But, I do think my cat might be ready for me to leave at this point.
“YOU’RE STILL HERE?!?” – Toulouse
  • He says that he and his daughter have decided to take up running in order to disrupt their own cabin fever.
  • He talks about historical perspective, and that reminds me… I am reading a book about the 1918 flu epidemic, and BRUH… that was definitely worse. The Spanish Flu had a 10 to 20% death rate, and most of the people it killed were otherwise young and healthy prior to their infection. It could cause an absolutely horrific demise within hours of the first sign of symptoms. And, as a bonus level of misery, this horrible plague on humanity was happening at the same time as a world war! Yes, COVID-19 is bad. But, shit… let’s all be grateful it ain’t the Spanish Flu!


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Donald Trump Dr. Deborah Birx Dr. Tony Fauci National Press Conference

Press conference with Donald Trump (4/4/20)

Rather than presenting you with every single one of Donald Trump’s repetitions and half truths today, I would like to present you with a different story. I call this one “a tale of two comment sections”, otherwise entitled “THAT’S IT, I’M COMMENT SHAMING!!!”.

For the past week, I have scrolled past a different death in my facebook feed every single day. A friend’s pastor, a friend’s cousin, a friend’s father, a security guard I used to work events with… everyday I wake up and brace myself for the deaths as they get closer and closer to home.

Meanwhile, some yahoo in Oklahoma is sitting at home on facebook typing “FILM UR HOSPITAL, DR.FAUCI IS LYING!!! PIZZAGATE WAS REAL!!1!!!1” while drinking a Mountain Dew and adjusting their MAGA hat.

We are all one country, and I don’t want to end up hating the people in states who have been fortunate enough not to have been affected yet by this horrible virus. But, I damn sure wish they could shut up and learn to be a little bit more sensitive about what we are going through here in New York. In the end though, there is only one person to blame for all of this rabid ignorance and total disregard for human suffering, and that is Donald Trump.

Everytime Donald opens his mouth to say “FAKE NEWS” he chips away at people’s trust and common sense. He has created a fanbase that is completely immune to facts, and has weaponized them against the rest of us. I am entirely sick of his behavior, and so today I have decided to highlight some of the comments from The White House live feed, alongside his own quotes.

Donald readying himself to throw someone else under the bus.

DONALD: “We want as few lives lost as possible. It’s therefore critical that certain media outlets stop spreading false rumors and creating fear and then panic with the public. It’s just incredible. I could name names,  but it’s the same ones always, always the same ones. I guess they’re looking for ratings. I don’t know what they’re looking for. So bad for our country. And so bad… the people understand it. You look at the levels and the approval ratings, and they’re the lowest they’ve ever been for media. So bad for our country. So bad for the world. You oughtta put it together for awhile, get this over with, and then go back to your fake news.”

You guys, forget his years of training as a doctor! HIS BODY LANGUAGE CONFIRMS HE’S DISHONEST!
You guys, science is attacking Donald Trump! MAKE SCIENCE QUIET AGAIN!
To quote an old Klingon proverb; “ANYONE I DO NOT LIKE IS WITHOUT HONOR!”
Research = memes I saw on Facebook. Also, I’m pretty sure we can cure this with essential oils.
“I’m sick of seeing news stories with facts I would rather ignore!”
You know what’s more dangerous than a virus that killed more than 600 people today in New York? *checks notes* CNN!!!!
Executive order to end one of America’s basic freedoms please! MAGA!

DONALD: “New York is gonna be hit very hard, and uh… Louisiana is just… it’s just amazing the way it just sprung up. And everyone is doing a good job, but they’re gonna be hit hard. Areas in the country that are not experiencing large scale infections are requesting supplies beyond what they’re present circumstances require, and we talk to them, and we tell them, and we explain it, and for the most part they’re good with it. We think we’re right. It’s very understandable that officials would seek to get the most they can get for their communities. But, the fears of the shortages have led to inflated requests. We have some states, and areas, where they’re just asking for far more… I mean, look, we had one state asking for 40,000 ventilators. 40,000! Think of it! FORTY. THOUSAND. Uh… it’s not possible. They won’t need that many, and now they’re admitting they don’t need that many. But, we’re getting as many as we can to them.”

Guys, remember when Andrew Cuomo was our president in 2015? HE DID NOTHING!!!

DONALD: “We want to finish this war. We have to go back to work. We have to open our country again. We have to. Open. Our country. Again. We don’t want to be doing this for… months and months and months. We’re gonna open our country again. This country wasn’t meant for this. Few were. But, we have to open our country again.”

“Don’t create a vaccine to end this! Jail the scientists and the people who fund them!”
Oh noooes! Evil scientist Bill Gates is going to infect us all with Windows 95!

DONALD: “Who ever heard of 180 million masks? And this is an incredible thing, a lot of the times, and we have to stop playing this game, if a governor wants 200 ventilators, and I say no we’re gonna send you a 1,000. We think you need more than 200. And then the media meets with the governor and they say, oh… you got more? Well, it’s not enough. The president should have sent more. So, he’s asking for 200, we give him 1,000, and they say how’s the president doing? He should have given more, cause that’s politics! That’s politics. And that’s unfortunate, because we can’t play that game. And that’s one party doing it, and the other party is happy. But, they’re all really happy because they should have been doing this work themselves for a long period of time. Many of their cupboards were bare.”

Kind of like what should have happened when Trump was impeached?
Uh-oh, someone is sad their favorite reality show isn’t popular enough to air on prime time anymore!
Damn it, she’s discovered my liberal addenda!!!
Would you like a live feed of the 630 people who died here in New York yesterday, sir? Would you like to speak to their families?

DONALD: “We have a great future, but we have to get back to work.”

I was only going to keep the top comment, but bonus points for the Alex Jones reference on the bottom! It’s like half a row on a right wing bingo card!

I decided to skip the question and answer portion of tonight’s conference. I’ve had enough of Trump’s gaslighting and alternate reality for one night tonight. If you need me, I’ll be here on the couch watching TV with my cat while casually eating an entire jar of Nutella by myself.


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Andrew Cuomo New York City New York State

Press conference with New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo (4/4/20)

Hi everyone! Yesterday I decided to take a mental health day away from the press conferences. But, today I am back with the latest from the president of the east coast, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo!


  • 283,621 people have now been tested for COVID-19 in the state of New York. 23,101 of those tests were done yesterday.
  • 124,652 people have been tested for COVID-19 in New York City. 11,248 of those tests were done yesterday.
  • 113,704 people have tested positive for COVID-19 so far in the state of New York. 10,841 of those positives were found yesterday.
  • 63,306 people have tested positive for COVID-19 in New York City so far. 6,147 of those positives were found yesterday.
  • 15,905 people are currently hospitalized in the state of New York. That’s 1,095 more than yesterday.
  • We currently have 4,126 COVID-19 ICU patients in the state of New York. That’s 395 more than yesterday.
  • 10,478 people have been discharged from the hospital in the state of New York so far. 1,592 of those people were discharged yesterday. ❤
  • So far, there have been 3,565 deaths from COVID-19 in the state of New York.
  • 630 people died from COVID-19 yesterday in the state of New York.
  • We are still the most impacted state. We are followed by New Jersey (29,895 cases/647 deaths), Michigan (12,670 cases/478 deaths), California (12,569 cases/282 deaths) and Massachusetts (10,402 cases/192 deaths).
  • PERSONAL NOTE: Speaking as someone who was born in southwest Detroit and has experienced how screwed up Michigan can be firsthand, I am still actually shocked at how fast and how far Michigan has shot up this list. I thought for sure the big tragedy outside of New York would be Florida by this point in the timeline, but apparently Michigan is proving me wrong. My heart goes out to everyone back in my other home state. Please stay home!
  • The numbers continue to trend upward.
  • 66% of the people who have been hospitalized have been discharged. Only a third of hospitalized patients end up requiring ICU care.
  • They are keeping a close eye on Long Island, which has now jumped from 17% of all cases in New York to 22% of all cases in New York.
  • We have not yet reached the apex of this crisis, but we’re getting closer. It’s believed that we are between 4 – 8 days away from our worst day.
  • We are not yet ready for the apex of this crisis. So the more time we have, the better.
  • There will be a conference call with all the hospitals today to coordinate all of the equipment.
  • The White House agreed to make The Javits Center a COVID-19 facility. The federal government is going to staff and equip it. They are now transitioning it from a non-COVID facility to a COVID facility. If this transition goes well, it will be a game changer for us.
  • We now have 85,000 volunteer medical professionals, including 22,000 from out of state. THANK YOU!
  • He is also signing an executive order to allow medical students who were slated to graduate to begin practicing now.
  • Remember earlier this week when he said the state had ordered 17,000 ventilators from China? We’re getting an update!
  • For comparison, the federal stockpile was only about 10,000 ventilators for the nation. (IF YOU BELIEVE TRUMP EVEN HAS A STOCKPILE READY… which… *side eye*)
  • Well, the update is that it turns out our 17,000 ventilator order never came through. *blip bloop sad face*
  • I was confused by the next talking point. But, if I follow the math on what he said it sounds like we have 2,500 ventilators left in the whole state that are not currently in use.
  • If I follow that math a little further, it sounds like we will run out of ventilators in five days if that’s our total number.
  • Although handling international relations is not usually a duty of a state governor, Cuomo went out and did the work for us (since Trump clearly wasn’t going to). Through help from people in our federal government (I’m sure not Trump) and the Asian American society, we have reached an agreement with China! They are DONATING 1,000 ventilators to us! THANK YOU, CHINA! ❤
  • The state extends our gratitude to the Joseph and Clara Tsai Foundation, the Jack Ma Foundation, Alibaba co-founders Jack Ma and Joe Tsai, and the Chinese Government, including Ambassador Huang and the Chinese Consul General.
  • Those 1,000 ventilators will be coming into JFK today!
  • Also, the state of Oregon contacted us and is sending 140 ventilators. THANK YOU, TO THE PEOPLE OF OREGON AND GOVERNOR KATE BROWN! ❤
  • Oregon did this completely on their own, unsolicited by the state of New York, which is amazing!
  • Oregon’s curve is projected to hit in May. So, we will surely be returning this favor to them after our curve peaks.
  • By my math though, this extends us to about 7 days worth of ventilators if our curve continues to go up. So, we still need more help!
  • He talks about FDR and why it’s important to think ahead when fighting a war, and it just highlights another difference between Cuomo and Trump. You can tell Cuomo has a lot of respect for politics, and that he reads books. Trump has respect for just about no one, and the closest he ever gets to reading a book is scrolling through his own feed on Twitter.
  • He says he just wants this to be over, and sir… we are all right there with you.
Literally same, Andrew. ❤


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Donald Trump Jovita Carranza Mike Pence National Press Conference Steve Mnuchin

Press conference with Donald Trump (4/2/20)

Looking at The White House feed for today’s press conference, I can see the orange terror has once again decided to spend two and a half hours of the nation’s time on his daily ego trip. I’m sure most of the conference can be summed up by saying the following:

  • We’re still fighting the virus.
  • We’ve done the most tests in the world!!!! U-S-A! U-S-A!
  • “Our country had the best economy, the best wifi, the best testing labs, the best hotels…” You know, on a personal note, I once stayed in a hostel in Hungary with a guy from Spain who kept going on and on about how Spain had “the best food, the best dancers, the best lovers…”. I told that guy “Ok, if that’s true, I want to see you make dinner.” He looked surprised by that response, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t prove his point with some amazing seafood paella an hour later. Trump is a lot like that guy, except that Trump’s not cute, he can’t dance, he can’t cook, and basically he has very little going on to back any of his shit up.
  • “We inherited a broken system… wahhhhh… it’s Obama’s fault! Obama should have planned for a virus that didn’t exist four years ago! THERE WAS AN EMPTY SHELLLLLLF!!!!!”
  • “No one could have seen this coming, and now it’s in every country! WE HAD NO IDEA!”
  • “Here are the same figures on what we sent to New York that I’ve been using for the past four days.”
  • “I was the first person to close the borders with China!”
  • “We’ve learned so much.”

Ok, so now that those talking points are out of the way, I’m only going to write down new information going forward. I expect this to shorten the note taking process significantly.

Here we go!


  • The Paycheck Protection Program launches tomorrow. This is the small business loan program that is offering forgivable loans if you continue to pay your staff. This loan is also open to sole proprietors and independent contractors.
  • If you typically don’t file a tax return, you will not have to file one when you get your direct payment assistance from the government.
  • Your direct assistance will be sent directly to your bank account if you have a bank account on file with the IRS, if not you will receive a check.
  • He says they are “protecting social security, medicaid, and medicare”, whatever that means.


  • She thanks Ivanka Trump, and I’m sorry… but, what is Ivanka’s position in our government? What does she have to do with anything?
  • This new loan will help a lot of small businesses, and they want everyone to know about it.
  • If you continue to pay your employees, UP TO 100% of your loan can be forgiven. UP TO. So, there are conditions. You can read about this loan over at
  • Lol at Trump just dying to interrupt this woman.
  • This loan is for businesses that have 500 or less employees.
  • If you are approved for this loan, you will get the money the same day.
  • The economic relief checks for individual citizens will be here in two weeks if you have direct deposit.
  • If the IRS does not have your direct deposit information on file, they will be launching a web portal that will allow people to submit their information there.
  • The employee retention credit is up and running as well. For the first $10,000 you have spent retaining an employee, you will get a 50% refundable tax credit you can use this year. So, that would mean you will get $5,000 back.
  • The reporters are all asking questions about how this will work, since we all know how poorly the situation with unemployment claims is going. But Steve claims they are totally on track with this. *SUSPICIOUS SIDE EYE*
  • One reporter asks now that social distancing has been extended, why are they not working on another relief bill to cover all the extra weeks? She asks “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?”
  • Steve says that the bills we currently have should be good for ten weeks. *SUSPICIOUS SIDE EYE*
  • I have to say, it’s pretty damn amusing watching how upset it makes Trump to let other people talk. I mean, look at this face! LOL
“When can we start talking about my ratings again?” – Donald, probably
  • Someone asks how it would make sense for a small business like a restaurant to rehire their employees when no one can come in to eat. Steve says the loan is 100% forgivable and would allow a business to remain operational for weeks even with no business. But, I have a much better question that wasn’t asked. How would this benefit the employees at a restaurant? If they are rehired, as they would have to be in order for the business to collect that loan, then servers will be collecting a very small paycheck. I think in New York servers are now paid, what? $10 an hour? I know most states do have laws on the books that say servers must be brought up to the state minimum wage if they don’t make enough in tips to equal that, but still… every server I know makes more from tips than minimum wage and most of them would be better off taking unemployment instead of accepting this deal. But, here comes the catch… you can only collect unemployment if you’ve been laid off. Technically, these servers would be disqualified. So, the whole thing would be a pretty shitty deal for them.
  • The SBA loan for independent contractors, charities and sole properties will be up next week.


Real time footage of how thirsty Donald was to return to the mic
  • From now on, no one is allowed into nursing homes except for staff.
  • They are also asking that nursing homes use the same staff for the same groups of seniors everyday to minimize the opportunities for the virus to spread.
  • They are also working on extending services for veterans.
  • Interestingly, Donny boy says that they have just used the Defense Production Act to force 3M to make masks. But, weren’t they one of our featured sponsors as recently as… *checks notes* last week? Hmmm… another example of Donald praising a company on live TV only to be forced to admit they weren’t as cooperative as he had made it seem previously. So, 3M now joins GM under Trump’s bus.
  • At least he has finally started saying “COVID” like Cuomo rather than the ridiculously racist phrase “CHINESE VIRUS” that he was using before.
  • He plugs New York’s website for donations and volunteers, which is also interesting because… didn’t this man say he had a national stockpile of supplies he could easily distribute to states in need as recently as… *checks notes* three days ago? Does this mean it’s all gone already?
  • QUOTE: “I want to remind everyone here in our nation’s capital, especially in congress, that this is not the time for politics. Endless partisan investigations… HERE WE GO AGAIN! They’ve already done extraordinary damage to our country” (although hilariously it sounds like “I’ve already done extraordinary damage to our country”, WHICH IS ACCURATE!) “in recent years. You see what happens? It’s uh… a witch hunt, after witch hunt, after witch hunt… and in the end the people doing the witch hunt have been losing, and they’ve been losing by a lot. And.. uh… it’s not anytime for witch hunts, it’s time to uh… get this enemy defeated! Conducting these partisan investigations in the middle of a pandemic is a really big waste of vital resources, time, attention… and we wanna fight for American Lives. Not waste time. And build up my poll numbers, cause that’s all they’re doing, cause everyone knows it’s ridiculous. So, we wanna focus on the people of this country, even the people of the world, we’re gonna be able to help them because right now, as an example, we’re building so many ventilators. Very, very hard to build, but we’re building thousands. Thousands of them. And a lot of them will be coming at a time when we won’t need them as badly… uh, because it takes time. Very complex, very expensive. And we’ll be able to help outside of our country. We think we’ll be able to help.”
  • TRANSLATION: “We will have these ventilators after 16,000 people die in New York, and then we’ll sell them to other countries at a profit. Fuck Nancy Pelosi, and God Bless America.”
  • Another interesting thing to note; one of my very good friends is Brazilian. She said that Brazil is having a hard time getting any medical equipment because the US bought it all. So, for now, we are doing the opposite of what Trump is saying here. We are actively hurting other countries that need supplies. Just like New York can’t buy our own ventilators anymore, neither can Brazil. All of our lives are now in the hands of the United States Federal Government… and if that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will.

At that point, Trump says he needs to step out for a meeting and hands the reins over to Mike Pence. Mike almost never says anything worth listening to, so I decided to shut this thing off at that point. I definitely think these posts will be worth a second look in a week when New York is predicted to run out of ventilators. But, for now, please just compare and contrast the quote I just transcribed there to any of Cuomo’s recent quotes about partisan politics. Here, I’ll leave you with this example:

ANDREW CUOMO: “No politics. No partisanship. No division. There is no time for that. Not in this state, not in this nation. This is a deadly serious situation, and frankly it’s more important than politics, and it’s more important than partisanship. And if there is division at this time, the virus will defeat us. If there was ever a moment for unity, this my friends is the moment.”… “In this situation, there are no red states and there are no blue states, and there are no red casualties and there are no blue casualties. It’s red, white and blue. This virus doesn’t discriminate. It attacks everyone, and it attacks everywhere.”… “The president said this is a war, and I agree with that. This is a war. Then, let’s act that way. And let’s act that way now! And let’s show a commonality, and a mutuality, and a UNITY that this country hasn’t seen in decades. Because the lord knows we need it, today more than ever before.”

Do you notice how he managed to say all that without calling anyone else a loser? That’s the difference between a compassionate leader, and Donald Trump.


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Andrew Cuomo Chris Cuomo New York City New York State

Press conference with New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo (4/2/20)

Today I will only be covering the main presentation in this press conference. After yesterday’s revelation that we can expect 16,000 death in New York alone, I think I need to back up just a little bit from watching all of the press conferences for a little bit to protect my mental health. I’ll still give you highlights, but perhaps not as much as before for the next few days. That way, I can give you at least the main content from both Cuomo and Trump.

But, the good news is that this conference took a really fun turn! We got a guest star today, and that brought a smile to my face.


  • 238,965 people have been tested in the state of New York. 18,031 of those tests were done yesterday.
  • 104,041 people have been tested in New York City. 7,513 of those tests were done yesterday.
  • 92,381 people have tested positive in the state of New York. 8,669 of those people were new positives yesterday.
  • 51,809 people have tested positive in New York City. 4,370 of those people were new positives yesterday.
  • They are concerned about the large rise of cases in Nassau and Suffolk counties. Both counties saw over a thousand new cases yesterday.
  • Every county in New York State has a case.
  • He says it is a false comfort to believe that your area will not get the virus because you are in a rural area. Lots of upstate New York is very rural, and they still got the virus. This virus will march it’s way everywhere.
  • 13,383 people are currently hospitalized in New York State. That number is up by 1,157 patients from yesterday.
  • We currently have 3,396 ICU patients in New York State. That number is up 374 patients from yesterday.
  • 7,434 patients have been discharged in New York State so far. That number is up 1,292 from yesterday. I personally know two people in this count! ❤
  • 2,373 people have died in New York State so far. That number is up from 1,941 yesterday. I personally know someone in this count. May he rest in peace.
  • 432 people died from COVID-19 in New York State yesterday.
  • All of the numbers are trending up in our infection curve.
  • The challenge continues to be preparing for the apex of that curve.
  • Depending on which model you use, our apex could be anywhere from 7 – 30 days away.
  • When we have our apex depends on how well we social distance.
  • Today they believe it is closer to the shorter range in that spectrum, which is pretty concerning because yesterday he said there was no way we’d be ready for this to hit it’s apex in a week.
  • They are still projecting a need for 70k to 110k beds at the apex of this crisis.
  • We currently have 53,000 beds statewide. Only 36,000 of those beds are downstate. Keep in mind that downstate currently has the majority of the infections.
  • He says “by any estimate, we do not have enough beds”.
  • When does this end? Holy Christ, the model he shows on screen now goes until August.
  • How many lives lost? He shows the same slide from yesterday that shows we will have 16,000 deaths.
  • He says “a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and that is true for the hospital system too.”
  • We need beds, staff and supplies to save lives.
  • Construction has started at the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal and at The Staten Island Psych Center. Both are expected to open next week.
  • QUICK FUN FACT: Staten Island has an interesting, and morbid, history when it comes to their mental health facilities. In 1983, one of this facility’s predecessors was the subject of a documentary called “children of darkness”. In the documentary, they allege that the children held there were often “warehoused” because of society’s inability to cure them. Several children died there under suspicious circumstances, and I remember friends from Staten Island telling me the site was haunted well into the 2000s. The original site of the psych ward was destroyed during Superstorm Sandy. This location is a new building, and I think it might have been an administrative office previously.
  • Beds are the least of our problems. They are much more worried about beds and supplies.
  • Staff has been moved from upstate to downstate.
  • 21,000 people from out of state have volunteered to help us during this crisis. THANK YOU!!!! ❤
  • When we can return the favor, we will!
  • 85,400 medical professionals have volunteered to come out of retirement for this. THANK YOU!!!! ❤
  • Equipment continues to be a problem.
  • For the first time ever, we have a hospital to hospital survey of all of our supplies.
  • These surveys will now happen on a nightly basis.
  • We cannot invoke the defense production act as a state, so he asks that local companies consider what they can do and reach out to the state to help. If you own a company that can make any sort of PPE, the state would like to hear from you. They are willing to pay a premium to anyone who can help. The state will also finance any transition costs your company may have.
  • 400 ventilators were released to the New York City public hospital system, and 200 were given to Long Island and Westchester hospitals.
  • At our current burn rate, we have enough ventilators to last about six days.
  • These numbers will also be compiled and assessed every night.
  • The state has no desire to buy more than we need because “the state is broke, and these are very expensive. But, we need what we need.”
  • They are taking extraordinary measures to make sure we know where every single ventilator in the state is, and to come up with alternate solutions for if we run out. These solutions include splitting ventilators, converting anesthesia machines, and converting BiPAP machines.
  • They are also still looking for ventilators that can be purchased and used immediately.
  • Northwell has been working on the conversion process for BiPAP machines and will be training the other hospitals how to do it. The state has purchased 3,000 BiPAP machines for this purpose.
  • The healthcare exchange will now be reopened until May 15th. He says 96% of the state has health insurance, which surprises me honestly. But, if you are not insured, you will now have a second chance to sign up. This would be me. I will most likely check this out this week and report back on how that goes.
  • DAILY UPDATE ON CHRIS “NEWS BAE” CUOMO! He’s doing ok. Still looking fine as hell. ❤
  • OMG! WE ARE GETTING CHRIS LIVE! YASSS! I friggin love these two together!
  • Chris says this has been a challenge for his hair. LOL
  • Chris adds that Andrew looks like he’s been cutting his own hair. ZING.
  • CHRIS ON HIS SYMPTOMS WITH THE VIRUS: “I had hallucinations. I was seeing pop. You came to me in a dream. You had on a very interesting ballet outfit, and you were dancing in the dream, and you were waving a wand and saying I wish I could wave my wand and make this go away, and then you spun around and you danced away.”
  • ANDREW: “Normally we joke. I’m not gonna do that today. You know, rule one is you never hit a brother when he’s down, and uh… you’re literally in the basement, soooo…” hahahahah
  • Honestly, you guys should watch this one for yourself because these two are a real joy to see together. Governor Cuomo has the whole video on his facebook feed!


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Donald Trump GUEST AUTHOR Mark Esper Mike Pence National Press Conference

Press conference with Donald Trump (4/1/20)

BY GUEST AUTHOR, TANYA PEREZ! I’m very excited to introduce you guys to Tanya! She graciously offered to take on a day of tangerine for me yesterday, and I’m thrilled to share her work with you now! Take it away, Tanya!


Ugh, I really wish this was some kind of April’s Fools joke and we all get to have a good laugh at the prank this Administration is pulling on us on the daily. Nope. This is for real, folks. So I’m drinking a mean whiskey while watching this shit show unfold.

Also, I apologize to Amy’s mom for all the adult words I’m ‘bout to unleash. 

Just for the record, I despise this wretch of a “man” so much that I have done a number of santeria rituals to withstand the few hours of listening to his dribble that I have summed up here.  My love for Amy’s blog and Tullamore Dew push me through!


A nearly empty row of seats sits a group of “diverse” reporters strategically 6 feet apart from each other, eager in anticipation for all the WTF moments that are about to unfold this evening.

A group of white dudes walk onto the press briefing stage and hit their marks around the grade school assembly podem.  They stand around for a full two minutes looking like someone smelt it but no one is claiming they delt it.

Just as someone is about to fess up, Bozo the clown emerges from the hideaway door like he is about to do a magic show for Family night at Shoney’s.

45’s Opening Statement 

*America wages war on this “horrible, horrible” virus.

*He’s looking at the numbers. Perhaps not registering what it means but he is looking.

*He reminds the American people to do our patrotic duty by staying the fuck inside all of April. I am calling the this April Showers: The corona trail of tears

*They did a lot of good this to stop this spread but the travel ban was a big old pat on their back for enacting it “early, far, far earlier than anybody thought and before anybody else”

  • Just to instill fear, he reminds us that he is keeping us safe from cartels, criminals and you know all the bad guys who might take advantage of us during this situation
  • Today those drug cartels are planning something. I’m like wait, WHAT? I thought I was gonna sit down and listen to another pack of lies about this pandemic. Where are you going with this, Dinky Don?
  • Something about Enhanced Counter Narcotic Operations
  • 45 calls PPE Personnel Protective Equipment. Full stop. I spent 15 years teaching CPR and First Aid as a side hustle for the NYC DOE, DOH, the Federal Reserve along with medical teams in the city and I’ll be damned to let a little slip from his derelict mouth go unnoticed. It’s PERSONAL PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT and the one thing all our frontline hospital staff NEED right NOW, muthafucker!!! Get that shit RIGHT!!!

45 strolls off and hands over the mic to Secretary Mark Esper.

Markie Mark:

*Today they begin the Enhanced Counter Narcotic Operations in the Eastern Paciifc Ocean and Caribbean. This is not a new ride at DisneyWorld, folks. 

* 22 nations are partnering with us to do this. Something about 280 metric tons of drugs….

Hold up, wait a minute- so we are deploying a bunch of extra military out at sea because we also have a WAR ON DRUGS??!!  What about all those sick soldiers stuck on a boat in Guam? What is happening??!!

I need another glass of whiskey.  Did I tell you this bottle has a Caribbean Cask Finish? Perfect for this next bit of campaigning during a historic pandemic. 

Back to our regularly scheduled program:

*Corrupt actors, not the ones on this very stage, but the Maduro Regime in Venezuela are trying to capitalize on this crisis.

In case you don’t  know who they’re talking about, this is Nicolás Maduro:

And the Trump Administration has been after this guy for a while.  Here is an article published on January 21st 2020 by CNBC.

On January 22nd, Trump made this comment about COVID 19 on CNBC show Squawk Box: “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China.”

Today we have over 216,000 cases in the USA. We are #1!!!

Let’s return to this ratings-popping-reality-tv -hot-mess, shall we. Cue Thoroughly Modern General Milley!

*In a nutshell, he is not having any of the bad guys fuck up his country. He’s ready to take down all these cocaine cowboys headed our way with these fighting words:

“This is the United States military. You will not penetrate this country. You will not pass jump street.  You will not kill us with your drugs MOTHERFUCKERS”. Ok, I did embellish that last part but I totally thought he said that. 

Exit Milley singing and tapping to the tune of “Not for the Life of Me”. 

Enter stage right, Steve Bannon… I mean Bill Burr…Barr. I don’t know, they all look the same to me. (note from Amy: I LITERALLY THINK THIS EVERY TIME TOO!!!)

*A minute and a half of thank yous.

*The reason why this administration is focusing on this drug war is because of the Mexican cartels and we need to destroy them.

At this point I have spit out my drink and quickly refill. I mean, am I watching the companion series Narcos: Mexico?

*ZZZ cocaine is back ZZZ 70,000 people die from drugs ZZZ NOW is the time to do this ZZZ I love when you hold me, Mr. President.

A concerto plays softly as they dance in his mind together at last.


Oh wait, I forgot about this costar, Ambassador O’Brien, with his stagnant dialogue just saying the same shit everyone else is saying. I would normally kill him off in a second pass of a draft but he had this beautiful under 5 line:

Bassnector O’ Brien: We gonna “choke off” these guys.

Made me giggle.

Q & A TIME! Also known as the drinking game in my house where we all drink when 45 interrupts, lies, gives misinformation or gives no information at all.  Damn, I’m gonna finish this bottle tonight!

Q: What has changed to free up assets now that were unavailable in the past?

*45: Cuz we wanna and we can! I see things no one else sees but I’m gonna pass this over to Mark so he can really answer. Yo, Mark!

*Markie Mark: We have been working on this for a few months and now we can do it. 

Q: For how long will this last?

*Markie Mark: Meh, we will reassess when we want to but at this time we don’t know. We’ll get back to you.

Feels like my last audition tape I sent out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

Here comes Donnie!

*45: Blah dee blarp COVID TIE IN boo bee doh

Q: Can you expand on that? Because you tie it to Covid 19 and the cartels are taking advantage of that? How exactly-

*45: Because we are so focused on other parts of this country, the world, my properties, this spray tan…damn this frigging pandemic! You are ruining my campaign! War on Drugs. Super bad.

*45: But the WALL! It’s working! It’s 160 miles and people can’t get in, I mean they can walk around it but they can’t get through it. 

*Ok, what I gathered in this weak ass explanation of things is that the Mexicans are coming again now with Covid 19. End stop. I need to invoke our Lady of Guadalupe to digest all this and bring me the strength to listen onward.

Q: Did China underreport and what does that mean for your relationship with President XI?

*45: We good. Nuff said. Pause 

Oh but they are spending mad money on us. Like farmers and other shit. Word.

Q: What about your tweet about Iran and Iraq plotting something evil against America?

*45: I told them “Don’t do it”.

Q: Back to XI…did you see an Intelligence Report-

*45: I don’t know nothing…EXCEPT…numbers were a little bit on the light side.

He does like looking at numbers. Bee Boop.

*45: “Our relationship is good and they will be doing a lot of spending. There has been a little bit of a hurdle, what has happened over the last month…”  

I wonder if O’Brien is jealous of their relationship. 

Q: China is shipping PPE and taking on a global leadership role-

*45: Woah lady, I am all for China helping out the poor people who don’t know any better about social distancing. Places like:

And this place:

Oh wait, he was talking about OTHER countries. My bad.

45 continues with:

* Walmart is stepping their game and making gowns in all sizes.

* “Did you know I’m #1 on Facebook?” -actual quote

I apologize but I got so damn confused who said what in this section because the Circle Jerk party started to weave in and out to get facetime on the mic, so I am gonna just bullet point the need to know:

*Because of the outbreak on the Theodore Roosevelt Ship, they are increasing testing for soldiers going out to sea and mandating a 14 day quarantine for any deployment. 

*National stockpile of PPE is being depleted because hospitals are actually using them. Duh.

*Asking states to go local with PPE manufacturers

*10,000 ventilators are on hold to be shipped and they are looking at which hotspots to send them to

*Covid 19 says “I’m EVERYWHERE!”

*Birth of the babies will not be done on any of the ship hospitals

Q: Are you lifting immigration restrictions on doctors with H1 visas to help other doctors?

Barr quickly steps in!

*”I’m not part of that no more”

Barr returns to post. 

Q: Is Iran underreporting?

*45: I don’t frigging know and it’s not my fault, it’s Kerry’s.

El Cheeto grandstands this final bit while the actual Covid 19 professionals get ready to make their entrance.  Here are a few things this Caddy Shack reject said:

*Shit is gonna get bad and he loves New York

*Louisiana was “all of a sudden, it was like an explosion” with an outbreak. Totally unexpected. Totally.

*There is a race to find “ a cure, a remedy of some kind or even a help”

*Keep the distance…Professionals said, “Shut the country down” and I’m like,  “What does that mean?”

*We will build this city on rock and roll.  Ok, he didn’t say that but these folx did:

*Corporations will get tax benefits for eating out at restaurants

*45 has a friend who caught the virus and he was the “ right person” to get infected bad enough for him to change his tune about just calling it a flu. 

*Looking into full mitigation of operating flights going in and out of hotspots

When asked about not declaring a national stay at home order, he said “Some states don’t have much of a problem” 

End Stop.

 I will have you know that my internet and feed of the live briefing shut off just as he was talking about his girlfriend Putin.  I think it was the Russion bots watching my screens with their internet spy spiders, so this is as far as I got. 

My final thoughts on this are:

*Go watch Cuomo’s briefings

*Stay the fuck inside and wash everyhting all the goddamn time because this adminstraion doesn’t give a flying fuck about the American people.

*I need to stockpile a helluva lot more booze.

Reporting from Florida, this is Tanya who has entered early retirement with my folks. Peace out!

Tanya Perez is a New York based actress, comedy writer and professional clown who has been displaced by the coronavirus pandemic along with her angry chihuahua Tia Tortilla.  You can follow her on Instagram & Twitter @tanyaperezrulez, IMDB and Facebook.

Yeah, all my work has stopped for the unforeseeable future so contributions can be made at Venmo @Tanya-Perez or using the email at Zelle 


Bill De Blasio New York City

Press conference with New York City Mayor, Bill De Blasio (4/1/20)

As I’ve said in a few of my recent posts, the whole process of watching these press conferences and taking accurate notes is a long, arduous, tedious process. If a press conference runs for an hour, it takes me about three hours to type up a recap here. If it runs for two hours, it takes me closer to five or six hours to get a post done. So, keeping all that in mind, I just want you to know that Mayor De Blasio went on for TWO HOURS today. TWO HOURS!

In true New York City spirit, I’m gonna keep it completely real with y’all. Two hours is too much De Blasio for me. He is easily the least impactful of the three political figures I usually cover here. Governor Cuomo is a straight shooter who gives us hard data and facts without a lot of sugar coating, and I respect that. Nearly everything Cuomo says is useful in some way. Donald Trump is a total idiot. But, unfortunately for all of us, he’s a really powerful idiot and so I have to cover him. De Blasio is neither useful, nor all that powerful. I think De Blasio has generally good intentions, but deadass… he’s honestly not giving us any information that Cuomo hasn’t already said.

So, with that in mind, I’m going to give you the super condensed version of what De Blasio says in just about every press conference. Are you ready?


  • Thank you to everyone who has helped us so far.
  • We need a fuck ton more stuff.
  • Everything Cuomo said.
  • 30 minutes of platitudes about how strong New Yorkers are. (possibly it was a full hour today, Idk)
  • Something about the jails.
  • Something about alternate side parking.

And there you have it! That’s the whole press conference.

Why even make this post? I hear you asking, and you deserve answers. Don’t worry, I have a good one! I’m mostly making this post so I can share one of my good friend’s observations from one of De Blasio’s earlier press conferences.

My friend Christina Cruz of Brooklyn sent me these photos.


There’s no denying that the man takes care of his hands.

“He got a home tech or something? I THOUGHT WE WERE ON LOCKDOWN!” she adds, as she zooms in on the screen.

Are those french tips???

“They on point though.” she concedes.

Is she wrong, though? I ask you, where is the lie?

And with that, I close the post!


Please consider donating a few dollars to help keep it going. Transcribing and recapping these press conferences is extremely time consuming. I do it because I passionately believe that everyone should stay informed, but it is undeniably a lot of work. If you would like to help me continue what I’m doing with this website, or just help to make sure I can afford food during this pandemic, please consider sending me a donation. I accept any amount, no matter how much, through Venmo (@Amydetriotgirl), Cashapp (@$carbetarian) and PayPal ( Anything you can give will be appreciated!

Andrew Cuomo New York City New York State

Press conference with New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo (4/1/20)

Last night, the White House gave us some charts and facts. Today New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo, does the same.


  • Our numbers continue to go up.
  • 220,880 tests have now been completed in the state of New York. 15,694 of those tests were completed yesterday.
  • 96,528 of those tests were completed in New York City. 7,331 of those tests were completed yesterday.
  • There have been 83,712 positive cases so far in the state of New York. 7,917 of those positives were new yesterday.
  • There have been 47,439 positive cases so far in just New York City. 4,300 of those cases were new yesterday.
  • For those you keeping score at home, that means 37% of all tests are coming back positive, and 56% of all positive cases in New York State are in New York City.
  • For some added perspective, New York City alone now makes up 25% of all COVID-19 cases in the USA, and 5% of all COVID-19 cases in the entire world.
  • But, if you would like to see a reassuring number; 47,439 represents less than 1% of the population of New York City. Don’t quote me on this, because I did fail math once in high school… lol, but I think that means that roughly 1 in every 1,000 people has tested positive here so far.
  • There is only one county that does not have a confirmed case in New York State.
  • He says this should be a warning to the rest of the country. If even rural areas upstate have managed to catch the virus, everyone is vulnerable.
  • There are 12,226 people currently hospitalized in New York State. 1,297 of them were admitted yesterday.
  • There are currently 3,022 ICU patients in New York. 312 of them were intubated yesterday.
  • 6,142 patients have been discharged so far. 1,167 of them were discharged yesterday. ❤
  • We are still the most impacted state. We are followed by New Jersey (18,696 cases/267 deaths), California (8,582 cases/183 deaths), Michigan (7,630 cases/264 deaths), and Florida (6,741 cases/85 deaths).
  • He has been working well with the governors of New Jersey and Connecticut. I would like to personally add that I am sending my love and prayers to both states. The tristate area has always been closely related, and they’re in my thoughts now too.
  • At the time of the press conference, 1,941 people had died in New York City.
  • 391 people died from COVID-19 in New York yesterday.
  • If you go on a ventilator, there is only a 20% chance that you will come off the ventilator. The longer you stay on the ventilator, the worse the odds are.
  • The overall trajectory of our infection curve is still going up.
  • People keep asking when this will end, but the answer is still that we do not know.
  • He says facts are empowering, and I totally agree.
  • The McKinsey model shows that the current expected Apex in New York will happen at the end of April.
  • The models change constantly based on available data.
  • This model is based on minimal social distancing.
  • This second model is based on high compliance with social distancing.
  • Both models believe the Apex will be at the end of April, but we will have a better outcome as far as deaths and hospitalizations if we have high compliance with social distancing.
  • It’s not that helpful to compare the outcome in Wuhan to here, because in Wuhan they fully locked the city down and would not allow people to leave their apartments for anything. Even groceries were available for delivery only. He says this is not a reasonable expectation in America because we have no way to enforce it and our culture most likely wouldn’t comply.
  • Other models project the apex at different times. It could be as soon as seven days, or as far away as six weeks. He says we are planning based on a moderate projection because “we don’t even have a chance” of being prepared for the highest projections.
  • Using the IHME projections the white house is using (funded by Bill Gates), we are projected to have 16,000 deaths in New York. This model predicts 93,000 deaths in total across the country. That would mean 17% of all deaths in the USA will be in New York.
  • He reminds us that those numbers mean this problem is a national problem.
  • He says everyone should be watching us, because we are everyone else’s future.
  • If the IHME model is correct, we will continue to have a high death rate all the way through July.
  • Could we possibly deal with this and get the economy back up and running in the summer? He says if we can develop a rapid testing procedure that it may be possible. He says rapid testing would also end many people’s anxiety.
  • Regeneron has created 500,000 test kits at no charge. The first batch was delivered on Monday, and there will be an ongoing delivery of 25,000 per day from now on.
  • Corning has donated 100,000 tubes, and has provided an additional 500,000 at a reduced cost with expedited delivery.
  • Young people need to do better and respect the social distancing rules. You can get COVID-19 at any age and give it to anyone you love. Don’t take that risk.
  • All New York City playgrounds will now be closed down. FINALLY.
  • The open spaces in parks will still be open.
  • All of our hospitals in the state are now cooperating.
  • We continue to fight the good fight and plan forward.
  • QUOTE: “As a society, beyond just this immediate situation, we should start looking forward to understand how this experience is going to change us, or how it should change us. Because this is going to be transformative. It is going to be transformative on a personal basis, on a social basis, on a systems basis… we’re never going to be the same again. We’re not going to forget what happened here. The fear that we have, the anxiety that we have, that’s not just going to go away. When do we get back to normal? I don’t think we get back to normal. I think we get back- or we get to a new normal.”
  • QUOTE: “Our challenge is to make sure that transformation, and that change, is positive and not negative.”
  • QUOTE: “you could get wary of intimacy, and contact, and density. Social distancing… don’t go near anyone! What a terrible thing to live with as a human being. What a cruel torture. Isolate yourself from other people. Be afraid of hugging someone. Just think how emotionally, and personally, repugnant that concept is, right? We crave human connection. And now we’re being told that could be dangerous. You can’t kiss, you can’t hug, you can’t hold hands. So, how do we come out of this, and make sure that it’s positive, and negative? How do we learn from this? And how do we grow from this? In society, in life, you will get knocked on your rear end. You will deal with pain, you will deal with death, you will deal with setbacks, you will deal with suffering. The question is, how do you get up?”
  • He says we need to learn from this and prepare for the next big event, and he is right. He mentions climate change, and I think it’s worth noting that there are some people who expect us to have a catastrophic climate event within the next ten years. He says this will not be the only disaster we go through in this lifetime, and I think he is right about that too. He says we need to ask ourselves why we aren’t doing better with tele-health, tele-education, and intergovernmental coordination. He asks what we can do to make our economy more resilient, and asks why we are buying our medical supplies from china. All valid questions, in my opinion.
  • He says once again, that we need to learn how to plan for how to get ahead of the next disaster. He really should be the president. I wish he was our president.
  • He gives us a quote from Winston Churchill. It says “It is no use saying ‘we are doing our best’. You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.”
  • He says the quote is a bit harsh, but that is where we are now.
  • UPDATE ON CHRIS ‘NEWS BAE’ CUOMO: He has a fever, body chills and all of the symptoms of a bad flu. We all wish him a speedy recovery!
  • I love that he is calling him “Christopher” today instead of Chris. A true big brother!
  • God bless these two men. Their dynamic gives me life. You can tell there is a lot of love in that family.
  • He says he sent him a book called “a beginner’s guide to striped bass fishing” and adds “I hope he picks up some tips from that”.
  • He calls Chris’s decision to do his show last night from his basement “gusty and courageous.” ❤
  • QUOTE: “Kudos to him. My pop would be proud. I love you, little brother. And even though isn’t a flattering picture- I did not pick this picture with your mouth open, but it is… suitable in some ways.” LOLOLOLOL!!!!!


  • QUESTION: What’s the state’s policy on testing posthumously for coronavirus?
  • CUOMO: I have no idea.
  • DR. ZUCKER: If we suspect COVID-19 and they are tested in the autopsy, they are added to the numbers.
  • QUESTION: Were there patients moved from New York City to Albany last night?
  • CUOMO: Yes. We talked about this being one state, and how we would be supporting each other before.
  • QUESTION: Does this mean that the downstate hospitals are full?
  • CUOMO: He says we’ve been saying we need 140,000 beds. 110,000 of those are for COVID patients. 30,000 are regular hospitalizations. We tried to reduce the number of non COVID patients by saying no elective surgeries, but obviously there are still a lot of non COVID patients. The transfer to Albany was more of a one off situation which was individually arranged. I’m going to guess he can’t tell us anything about the patient because of privacy laws, but I am INFERRING that this was not a COVID patient.
  • QUESTION: What capacity is left in NYC and in Long Island and Westchester too?
  • CUOMO: He says they are not at capacity now, but they expect to go over capacity when we reach the apex in the city.
  • QUESTION: What are the criteria for being transferred upstate?
  • CUOMO: He says it is a pure capacity issue.
  • QUESTION: Is closing playgrounds enough to control the density at this point?
  • CUOMO: He says he had this conversation with the city, and the NYPD has to get more aggressive about breaking up groups. PERIOD.
  • QUOTE: [people say] “Well, it’s not a law enforcement issue. IT IS. And if you’re gonna force me into a position where I have to mandate it and make it a law, a social distancing law, that uh- which I think is ABSURD- but it has to be enforced. First, how reckless and irresponsible and selfish for people not to do it on their own. I mean, what else do you have to know? What else do you have to hear? Who else has to die for you to understand you have a responsibility in this, right? I mean, it’s just.. It’s just… really so incredible. Especially we New Yorkers, who live in a dense environment, and know how interdependent they are on one another, right? And this is a situation where one person sneezes, and I get infected. So, our own social responsibility , the individual responsibility, the civic duty, but beyond that, yeah, we’re going to need to get law enforcement to be more aggressive.”
  • PERSONAL NOTE: CAN CONFIRM. I went to Target today in The Bronx to pick up a prescription and some people in there were STILL acting like boo boo the fool about the new rules! Inching right up on each other in line, bunching up in the aisles, WEARING FACE MASKS AROUND THEIR NECKS. I mean, come on, people… the mask will not do you any good if you keep pulling it down to talk to your friend and answer the phone. Also, the amount of people who were wearing the mask over their mouth only… HAVE Y’ALL NOT BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION??? The mask goes OVER YOUR NOSE! GAWD!!! My local target does have security guards separating people, but they can’t be everywhere at once. We need to do better.
  • QUESTION: With so many members of the NYPD calling out sick, are there any plans to shore up our law enforcement in the city?
  • CUOMO: The backfill will come from state police, and we can deputize police officers from upstate to serve in the city.
  • QUESTION: How many volunteer medical people have been called in so far?
  • CUOMO: We are matching people up to hospitals as quickly as we can.
  • QUESTION: Have any upstate staff come down to the city?
  • CUOMO: Yes.
  • QUESTION: Why aren’t playgrounds closed upstate?
  • CUOMO: Because we don’t have the same density and compliance issues upstate.
  • QUESTION: When will the temporary hospitals come online?
  • CUOMO: They are the last resort. He says we will run out of staff before we run out of beds, and we may run out of equipment before we run out of staff.
  • QUESTION: What do you think of religious charities (with hateful views towards the LGTBQ community) running temporary hospitals in NYC?
  • CUOMO: QUOTE “Anyone who can help, god bless.”
  • QUESTION: Do you think the federal government is being truthful about their stockpile of equipment?
  • CUOMO: He says he doesn’t know what they have in the stockpile. He says he doesn’t know if the federal government has enough to meet the needs of the people in their stockpiles, but he prays that they do because that is the only option.
  • QUOTE: “Remarkably, in a real cruel twist of fate, China is the main manufacturer for all these things. It all comes back to China.”
  • CUOMO: He again says that all of the states are trying to buy ventilators, but the federal government has outbid everyone. They are now the only source of ventilators for the states. But, the US is now bidding against the world. So, all we can do is pray.
  • QUESTION: Has this experience made you think more about a concept like universal basic income, or a single payer centrally managed healthcare system, which is kind of what you’re doing now.
  • CUOMO: He says no system will work if the entire economy is shut down, and asks who pays for universal basic income? He says he doesn’t have the answers, but we now have the questions.
  • QUESTION: What would that model look like without social distancing? Does the apex change?
  • DR. JIM MALATRAS: No, it does not. If we social distance effectively, we will have less deaths. But, the timing remains the same.

Governor Cuomo also adds that he wants to thank everyone on his team for completing the budget on time. He says it’s a difficult budget because we have no money. There will be more on that to come later.


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